Paper Heart

My heart as paper
My blood as ink
A rhythmic letter
Folded into being.

A paper fish
Swims a furious ocean
Floats with every wish
Graceful in motion.

A paper feline
Roams a wild jungle
With guts and spine
To fight and mingle.

A paper bird
Soaring up and about
Sky high and undeterred
Wherever without doubt.

My heart as paper
My blood as ink
A rhythmic letter
Of fins, claws and wings.

Notes From Pamukkale

Amidst dusk
Overlooking the horizon
Under skies so vast
She stood chilled
Feet nearly frozen.

Warmth was her heart
Blanketed with moments
Of falling apart
Of words unspoken
Of a fresh start
Of a future to awaken.

Four thousand miles away
On a setting profoundly wonderful
She vowed to remember
That wondrous day
And always be thankful
For some things may go astray
Yet life remains ever so beautiful.

This piece is originated from one my fondest memories of 2018. I can still vividly remember the color of the sky, the misty dusk and how chilly the stone on which my feet stood. I pray that I’ll be back one fine day in the future to do it all over again.

How Are You?

We get this question every other day.

It’s almost a courtesy to ask people how they’re doing, when we’ve not seen or meet them for a long time. More so now that the whole world is going through this pandemic.

Our perception of this question is usually as simple as it sounded regardless of how complicated our life is at that moment. So we answered simply with, ‘I’m doing just fine.’

Maybe we’ve bumped into a familiar face once in a while at the mall and assured each other that we’re doing okay. Maybe we had a hard and stressful time at work and refused to talk about it with anybody. Maybe our relationship with our loved ones were on the brink of collapsing but we felt that nobody needs to know that. Maybe we thought that our depressed episodes should not be of another’s concern.

Hence, we summarise our days or weeks or months – all the good, bad and ugly – into one effortless answer ; I AM FINE.

When sadly, deep down we know that we’re surely not, not exactly, maybe not even close.

Imagine if ‘how are you?’ is actually ‘how is your heart/soul doing?‘.

Imagine that people were really sincerely checking out on us, and not just asking out of common courtesy. Surely, ‘I AM FINE‘ wont suffice and wont do justice as an answer.

Because our hearts may be weary and our souls exhausted. Because we may be on the verge of breaking down. Because life may just be a repetitive cycle of mundanes. Because we may no longer find the strength to chase after our life-long dreams. Because after all that we’ve been through, we may felt like there are no other options except for giving up.

If that’s the case then truly, we’re not fine at all.

Hectic schedules in our daily lives may cause us to abandon our true feelings and deep thoughts. In order to maintain healthier emotional levels, it is super important for us to regularly recognise and acknowledge the contents of our own hearts and soul. Once acknowledged, we can further determine the cure to our brokenness, to fill the gaps of all cracks and hollows.

I’d like to think that the current pandemic – in all it’s seemingly never-ending quarantine time and tedious queuing at the store – to be a surprisingly humbling and introspective experience.

For we now have ample time to contemplate deeply within ourselves. In the confinements of our own abode, in the wee hours of silence when the world goes to sleep, we may find ourselves alone and at peace with our feelings and thoughts through meditation and ultimately, through prayer.

It’s definitely not an easy task. But whats worthy are never easy.

It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on a battlefield.

W.B. Yeats

May we be given strength and courage to delve deep within our beings and confront the demons that has been wreaking havoc on our faith in all things that are good and positive in our lives. And when the time comes, may we finally be able to say that we are absolutely fine with unquestionable confidence and clarity.

In-Game Friendship

I dont have a lot of friends. Being an introverted and socially awkward person, it’s understandable that I dont  and wont have a wide social connection. Although, I tend to remember people’s names and faces for a long time after they had introduced themselves, or when I’ve heard about them from other people. Which actually explains how I can always  recognise a good number of people from school who probably had no idea whatsoever of my existence. Which also further justify my refusal to say Hi unless they started saying Hi first,  whenever I bumped into any of them now and then.

Anyways, it’s not a big deal really. For it’s unfair to expect others to remember as much as I do. And it’s not exactly the point I’m trying to make.

For those who’ve known me from high school, I started playing computer games when I was 13. Back then, I used to be into MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) and the first ever game that I’ve played was Runescape. Still have an account today, although my old account from more than a decade ago was sadly erased.

Although having my account erased meant that all the item & money I’ve made in-game (which was not much) disappeared as well, I got to keep one of the best things, both in-game and real life.

Friendship.

Since we’re talking about an online game, I’ve never really met, face-to-face, with the people I befriended with. But guess what, we’re still friends and keeping in touch today, after more than 10 years has passed.

One of them was apparently my senior in UiTM. One called me ‘Kakak’ and informed me every single time he changed his phone number. One I talk with occasionally to update on our lives. One is a Filipino and we still talk on Facebook. Some got married, have kids and basically scattered all over Malaysia and also worlwide.

All of us may no longer be playing the games we’ve played, because, well, life. But we kept in touch and still trying to keep tabs on each other, through Facebook, Instagram and all the other social media that we’re using.

In-game friendship is one that I’m most thankful for in my life. Unlike real life friendship that tends to break apart with time and eventually dissolves into an awkward strangeness, in-game friendship stays for all the fun and happy memories of the past.

26

On turning 26, I’ve realised and learnt lots of lessons. I’ve written about most of them exactly 3 years ago and reading them back got me feeling like those words were written by an entirely different person. In all honesty, never thought I could write that good, in comparison to my recent writings which were of lesser quality.

Come to think of it, the 23 things I’ve learnt for turning 23 years old, that was the very first piece of writing that was published for public view. Apparently it was received in an amazing manner, which actually encouraged me to send another piece of writing to TP. Hence, my journey as a contributing writer at TP started which eventually became a platform for me to share more to the public while strengthening my vocabulary and usage of Bahasa Melayu.

I guess that will always be one of my biggest achievements in life. I’ve always took pride in my writings and knowing that people, from all over the world and from different walks of life, has read and actually loved what I wrote, is something that I would not have imagined 10 years ago.

I may not be a writer by profession, but words will always be my loyal companion.

So thank you to all of you who’ve read what I wrote and of course, to all of you who are reading this.

Ps : I’ve actually been suffering from writer’s block lately. *sobs*