Day 22

Today marks the 22nd day of RMO (Restricted Movement Order) in Malaysia. Supposedly, it will end in another week, on 14th of April. But then, people are saying that the RMO might be extended to an unknown date.

I’ve been working from home ever since March 18th. To be completely honest, before this whole COVID-19 thing struck us all, whenever I needed to work overtime during the weekends, I’ve always preferred to work in the office. Working from home comes with distractions, even to me who’s single and should not worry about kids being noisy and needing undivided attention. But yeah, there’s the comfy bed to take into consideration.

Anyways, as a hermit who have had no problems whatsoever ‘caving’ at home, I’m finding being stuck at home for 22 days now, a wee bit suffocating. Sure, there are many things to be done at home, like reading, catching up on TV series and even trying new recipes (which I’m not really up to). However, I find myself distracted on each and everything that I do. When I’m reading, I find myself wanting to watch a movie. When I’m working I find myself wanting to read. When I’m watching a movie, I find myself wanting to hit the bed and sleep. And ultimately, I find myself yearning to be elsewhere, in a different continent thousands of miles away, just anywhere but home.

Basically, everything felt wrong and I’m feeling more languid than ever. Day by day passed by in dreamlike rapidity, like I’m in a slumber.

I’ve realised that it’s one thing to choose to stay at home but it’s another to be forced to stay home and denied exit. I guess we should all appreciate the time when movements were free and we could go anywhere and meet anyone.

If you’re reading this, wherever you are in this world, however you’re feeling and whoever you’re with, may you always be healthy and safe. And may all of us find strength and positivity in these trying times we’re living in.

Lessons of 2019

1. On Calmness & Tranquility

Serenity can never be found elsewhere, but within ourselves. It is the wisdom of discerning a mere harmless threat with a life-changing concern. The trick is to recognise which is which and act accordingly. To leave and let go of situations we have no power to change and do everything in our utmost strength to change all that we can.

In order to nurture a healthy soul, mind and body, we have to carefully distinguish between situations and people that are worthy of our concern. By doing so, we will be able to face every single day without unnecessary distress, with an exceptional presence of mind.

2. On Expectations

I’ve learnt that it is often much better and sweeter to be getting something you dont expect. Life is generally unpredictable and people can be disappointing. It sucks when you put your hopes up just to be disappointed and let down in the end.

The best way is to not place your expectations too high. Work hard however you will and most importantly, have the highest of faith on the All-Knowing and All-Mighty God. Place your trust in all His infinite wisdom, and whatever the result may be, you’ll be thankful and happy.

3. On Giving

Giving does not necessarily have to be money. It can be time, effort, advice, compliments and many many more.

To those who look closely, the World is a beautiful gift. Hence, each and every one of us has something to offer to another, always.

4. On Friendship

Growing up and old, it is understandable that we each have our own commitments and priorities to attend to. Meaning that meet-ups may be as infrequent as it may be. Regardless, those who sincerely treasure friendship will make time for each other no matter what. Because one of the most precious things in life is time; once passed there will be no turning back. Time might just be the best gift in any friendship ever, be it time spent on keeping in touch, on having lunch, on talking and texting on the phone or on wishing and praying each other well.

We do not necessarily have to share similar interests to be friends. Just like magnets, the opposite attracts. And our differences complete each other in one way or another.

5. On Love

Love is not blind as defined. Love sees, and sadly Love almost always sees the blind.

The lover of oneself knows ones’ worth to finally walk away. The lover of others may latch on the unworthy and try to make Love stay.

I bid farewell to the Love of the past. For there will be Love in future; hopeful and in every way better than the last.

May our 2020 be blessed with fulfilled dreams, beautiful moments and life lessons. Let bygones be bygones and keep on moving forward!

Come As You Are

If I were to write every word that could come true, I’d start with you.

You’d be 5 years or maybe 5 months older than me. Our first meeting would be in a bookstore somewhere in this World, where you’d buy me a book and a glass of milk tea while you sipped black coffee. We’d dedicate our Fridays watching a movie, and you’d listen to how I loved the ending or hate the lines that were annoyingly cheesy. You’d know a lot more about life than me yet you’d speak humbly. We’d have our own little adventures to strange places and we’d be happy.

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One of my favourite Indie films is Ruby Sparks. It tells the story of a writer called Calvin Weir-Fields who manifested a woman in his mind, a woman called Ruby Sparks. Each and every word he wrote about her turned into reality as one day out of nowhere, she appeared in his home claiming to be his girlfriend.

Whenever Ruby’s sad and depressed, Calvin would write, changing her mood into happiness. Whenever Ruby wanted freedom, Calvin would turn Ruby all clingy. Ruby ended up all confused and their relationship turned ugly.

Ruby Sparks showcases an ideal love in ones’ perspective. While Calvin enjoyed having the ‘power’ to change Ruby’s character according to his fancy, Ruby was his victim. She had no freedom to feel and to be. Thing is, we all want to change people to cater to our preferences which more often than not ended up ruining our relationship with them. People change when they want to, we certainly have no say in that.

The film also speaks about acceptance. That to love is to accept all flaws and imperfections. True love is loving despite each others’ differences. Ultimately, to love selflessly is to let others be happy being who they are, not who we dictate them to be.

If you’ve enjoyed watching 500 Days of Summer, I guess you’d find Ruby Sparks just as entertaining. Both of this film started off with a perfect love story between two souls but the ending will hit you straight in the face, proving that love is not necessarily a ‘happily ever after’ kind of affair. In reality, love can be one-sided, selfish, controlling and full of toxicity. It’s up to us how we want love to be.

So let’s re-phrase the first sentence and make it more realistic shall we?

If I could write every word that could come true, I’d start with you.

You’ll come as you are, wholly you. Everything else will work out like they’ll eventually do.

On Dreams

There’s a saying that goes, ‘If someone appears in your dream, it’s either you’re missing that someone or that someone is missing you’ . To be honest, it’s a beautiful saying but a wee bit unconvincing to me. The most logical saying should be, ‘If someone appears in your dream, that someone is in your thoughts’ . The thought of that person- a person who made or ruin your day or a person who flickers in your mind for no absolute reason at all- will manifest into a dream. Apparently our minds are also incapable of conjuring the faces of people out of thin air. Let’s be real here, we’re not the Almighty God. So in case you’re dreaming of a stranger, well, that stranger is most definitely someone you’ve met in your life, like someone that passed by you on the streets etc. You probably wont remember that person’s face with a glance because, who in the world can? However, without realising, the faces are photographed in your mind.

Anyways, being in someone’s thoughts may not necessarily mean being missed. Say, someone might just be thinking of how much of a prick you are and how much that someone hate your guts. And you might be attacked by a machete in that someone’s dream. You might be talking to or about that person on something earlier that day and your mind might just decide to project that person in your sleep later that night, in dreamlike ridiculousness. You might also be thinking of a person you have not seen in ages, in which case, yes, you might be dreaming of that person because you actually miss that person.

But to say you’re dreaming of a particular person because that person is missing you? Sounds like wishful thinking to me. Like I’ve dreamnt of meeting G-Dragon before but I aint saying he missed me. He probably will always have zero knowledge whatsoever about my existence, a notion that I’m entirely okay with. #nothardcore

I cannot say much about dreams as a God-given clue though. Because, well, I can talk about logic in my own limited understanding but I’m so not an expert in interpreting dreams religiously, which I think is a God-given talent.

In a nutshell, if you find yourself dreaming of a person you have not met in a long time, go say hello. Doing so might just help clear one out of the thousand things that are inhabiting your mind, no matter how trivial of a thought it is.

Runaway Love

There was a charming guy among the lot,

His being silenced every noise,

With his droopy eyes and dreamy look.

He turned her stomach in knots,

By the sound of his voice,

Her soul mercilessly hooked.

 

The colors of her cheeks rose,

She fiercely blushed,

At the warm kiss of the Sun.

Her intense eyes made time froze,

How his heart rushed,

Beating fast in a never-ending run.

 

Under a willow tree they sat,

On a bench perfectly fit for two,

Her head resting on his shoulder.

Reminiscing on the day they first met,

A tale of love so pure, innocent and true,

Saying their vows for the future.

 

Days passed and years gone by,

Their life transformed,

When a bundle of joy was born.

With the little one for her to occupy,

Happiness threatened by a storm,

For he had found another love and left her forlorn.

 

Forever is nothing more than a word,

And words are meant to be kept and broken,

For hearts easily waver and stray.

Just like that happy endings were deterred,

When he chose to break the unbroken,

And she wondered if love ever returns when it runs away.

 

I wrote this for two people who are dear to me. The guy cheated on his wife while she was in confinement after delivering their first baby. Here I am thinking if true love exists when confessing love and breaking promises is just that easy.