New Beginning

My apologies for not posting any updates since November 2020. I’m doing well, fret not, albeit I’ve been a wee bit occupied in preparation of something huge; which is what this particular post is mainly about (am sure the featured image signifies it somehow).

Firstly, allow me to recap briefly on the happenings of 2020.

A lot had happened.

All the good, bad and ugly moments life has got to offer, I’ve willingly extended my hand.

I’ve gotten in touch with my spiritual energy on a deeper level in 2020. All the surprises the year brought to me has made me realize that no matter how organized my schedule looks like or no matter how orderly I’ve set my goals and plans for life, things will spiral out of control when it does. And there is nothing I can do except, well, to get a little down and panicked, and then reassure myself that it’s normal for things to not go my way, for God Knows Best and may point me in another direction, a better one, and that is most definitely okay. All I should do is to work towards what I want and ultimately put my faith in the All-Knowing God, that the sky may seem bleak and the sudden downpour may soak me yet the Sun sets unfailingly every other day.

Besides all the unseen circumstances – of cancelled trips and heartbreaking issues – that I eventually got used to, 2020 was definitely one of the best years of my life. A few memorable moments to note, it was the year I was thankfully given the chance to do my pilgrimage to Mecca and Madinah in Saudi Arabia (before the pandemic barred cross-country travels) and I also got into a relationship and got engaged to a very dear friend of mine after more than a decade of friendship.

So it is sufficed to say that 2021 is all about committing to a new beginning.

For on 8th of January, I was married to my fiancé.

Our relationship has spanned for years, since 2008, from being mere high school classmates, to being gamemates, to being coursemates (in different Universities) to sharing the same professional working field (in different companies) to finally opening our hearts to each other in 2020. We have talked and shared about a whole lot of things (games, studies, relationships, work, life in general) and here’s to sharing a whole lot more of our future together.

Here’s to wishing for a better 2021 as a whole.

Here’s for all the goodness despite the bad, for all the lights in spite of the surrounding darkness and ultimately, for all the love to feel, share, give and receive abundantly, between one another.

Stay safe and sound.

Lessons of 2019

1. On Calmness & Tranquility

Serenity can never be found elsewhere, but within ourselves. It is the wisdom of discerning a mere harmless threat with a life-changing concern. The trick is to recognise which is which and act accordingly. To leave and let go of situations we have no power to change and do everything in our utmost strength to change all that we can.

In order to nurture a healthy soul, mind and body, we have to carefully distinguish between situations and people that are worthy of our concern. By doing so, we will be able to face every single day without unnecessary distress, with an exceptional presence of mind.

2. On Expectations

I’ve learnt that it is often much better and sweeter to be getting something you dont expect. Life is generally unpredictable and people can be disappointing. It sucks when you put your hopes up just to be disappointed and let down in the end.

The best way is to not place your expectations too high. Work hard however you will and most importantly, have the highest of faith on the All-Knowing and All-Mighty God. Place your trust in all His infinite wisdom, and whatever the result may be, you’ll be thankful and happy.

3. On Giving

Giving does not necessarily have to be money. It can be time, effort, advice, compliments and many many more.

To those who look closely, the World is a beautiful gift. Hence, each and every one of us has something to offer to another, always.

4. On Friendship

Growing up and old, it is understandable that we each have our own commitments and priorities to attend to. Meaning that meet-ups may be as infrequent as it may be. Regardless, those who sincerely treasure friendship will make time for each other no matter what. Because one of the most precious things in life is time; once passed there will be no turning back. Time might just be the best gift in any friendship ever, be it time spent on keeping in touch, on having lunch, on talking and texting on the phone or on wishing and praying each other well.

We do not necessarily have to share similar interests to be friends. Just like magnets, the opposite attracts. And our differences complete each other in one way or another.

5. On Love

Love is not blind as defined. Love sees, and sadly Love almost always sees the blind.

The lover of oneself knows ones’ worth to finally walk away. The lover of others may latch on the unworthy and try to make Love stay.

I bid farewell to the Love of the past. For there will be Love in future; hopeful and in every way better than the last.

May our 2020 be blessed with fulfilled dreams, beautiful moments and life lessons. Let bygones be bygones and keep on moving forward!

In-Game Friendship

I dont have a lot of friends. Being an introverted and socially awkward person, it’s understandable that I dont  and wont have a wide social connection. Although, I tend to remember people’s names and faces for a long time after they had introduced themselves, or when I’ve heard about them from other people. Which actually explains how I can always  recognise a good number of people from school who probably had no idea whatsoever of my existence. Which also further justify my refusal to say Hi unless they started saying Hi first,  whenever I bumped into any of them now and then.

Anyways, it’s not a big deal really. For it’s unfair to expect others to remember as much as I do. And it’s not exactly the point I’m trying to make.

For those who’ve known me from high school, I started playing computer games when I was 13. Back then, I used to be into MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) and the first ever game that I’ve played was Runescape. Still have an account today, although my old account from more than a decade ago was sadly erased.

Although having my account erased meant that all the item & money I’ve made in-game (which was not much) disappeared as well, I got to keep one of the best things, both in-game and real life.

Friendship.

Since we’re talking about an online game, I’ve never really met, face-to-face, with the people I befriended with. But guess what, we’re still friends and keeping in touch today, after more than 10 years has passed.

One of them was apparently my senior in UiTM. One called me ‘Kakak’ and informed me every single time he changed his phone number. One I talk with occasionally to update on our lives. One is a Filipino and we still talk on Facebook. Some got married, have kids and basically scattered all over Malaysia and also worlwide.

All of us may no longer be playing the games we’ve played, because, well, life. But we kept in touch and still trying to keep tabs on each other, through Facebook, Instagram and all the other social media that we’re using.

In-game friendship is one that I’m most thankful for in my life. Unlike real life friendship that tends to break apart with time and eventually dissolves into an awkward strangeness, in-game friendship stays for all the fun and happy memories of the past.

A Story Sadder Than Sadness

This post may contain spoilers.

I’ve just watched a Taiwanese film entitled ‘A Story Sadder Than Sadness’, also known as More Than Blue. Well, from the title itself, one can expect this to be a sad story. And by sad I mean, extremely heart-wrenching that you have to have tissues at ready, for your tears. I’m certain everyone who watches this will cry. If you dont, you probably have a heart of stone.

This film is a remake of the Korean film version. The story revolves around K and Cream who are orphans. They met in high school and started becoming best buddies. They even live together at K’s place till they’re both working adults who work at the same recording studio. K ended up having Leukemia with little time left to live. Concealing his disease from Cream, K finds a good guy for Cream to marry despite having feelings for her.

I don’t really watch romance. To me, they’re either too cheesy or too predictable and most of the time they’re disappointingly both. I like plots that contain surprises, which is why I prefer watching thrillers more than any other genre.

However, I have a soft spot for films included in the romance genre that :

  1. I can somehow relate to, and/or
  2. Moves me to tears.

Among my favorite romance films are Love Rosie, Our Times and You’re The Apple Of My Eye. I can relate to Love, Rosie for I’ve once fallen for my best friend. I cried for the other two films.

This sad story of K and Cream is definitely not a story I can relate to despite having a best friend who also happens to be a guy, whom I met in high school. For neither do my best friend suffering from a fatal disease nor me falling for a guy that is. But being a story that is sadder than sadness, I cried. And I cried hard.

I guess one of the reasons that make this story so heart-wrenching is due to the fact that both main characters, K and Cream have nobody but each other. Being orphans they dont have any family members so they’re basically each other’s parents, siblings, friends and lovers.

“K is like a mum at meal times, like a dad in the society, like a brother when I’m sad, sometimes like a lover, although he behaves like a fool at critical moments.” – Cream

Hence, K being killed off with Leukemia will deeply affect Cream, who in this case will be left all alone. Imagine being an orphan and when you finally met a companion who’s like a family member but he/she died too. Tragic. 

Anyways, I like this film for it showcases Love in all it’s strength and weaknesses. Viewers can attest to the essence of strength of being in love; the strength of letting go. This can be seen when K willingly gave Cream’s hand to another man, just to see her happy when he’s obviously suffering within. The selfishness of one who’s so deeply in love can be seen through Cream’s actions towards the man she marries. This is where weakness starts to reveal itself for Cream is not one to let go and it consumed her.

This film is definitely a tragic love story. It’s not a story you can relate to, but a story that will rip your heart out and make you sob like a baby regardless.

Is this film worth it?

Yes, for every teardrop and heartache I’ve felt for both K and Cream. And the soundtrack ‘A Kind Of Sorrow’ by A-Lin is amazing, you should go check it out.

The trailer to this film can be watched here.