Life is funny, isn’t it?

One day you decide to give up and move on, bring all of your baggage with you, giddy and excited to explore a new world with nobody but your own. The next thing you know, someone else appears by your side, offering his hand, ushering you into a new world so totally different from the one you started out for.

And you think to yourself, that maybe, just maybe, you should venture into this new place. Maybe you should stop running away and start reaching out. Maybe you should be brave and have faith in others as well as and especially in yourself.

Maybe Rilke was right; ‘Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.’

Life is indeed funny, you made out your mind and set out to do something and it almost always turns you unexpectedly in a different direction. May everything I’m going through right now all be well.

26

On turning 26, I’ve realised and learnt lots of lessons. I’ve written about most of them exactly 3 years ago and reading them back got me feeling like those words were written by an entirely different person. In all honesty, never thought I could write that good, in comparison to my recent writings which were of lesser quality.

Come to think of it, the 23 things I’ve learnt for turning 23 years old, that was the very first piece of writing that was published for public view. Apparently it was received in an amazing manner, which actually encouraged me to send another piece of writing to TP. Hence, my journey as a contributing writer at TP started which eventually became a platform for me to share more to the public while strengthening my vocabulary and usage of Bahasa Melayu.

I guess that will always be one of my biggest achievements in life. I’ve always took pride in my writings and knowing that people, from all over the world and from different walks of life, has read and actually loved what I wrote, is something that I would not have imagined 10 years ago.

I may not be a writer by profession, but words will always be my loyal companion.

So thank you to all of you who’ve read what I wrote and of course, to all of you who are reading this.

Ps : I’ve actually been suffering from writer’s block lately. *sobs*

On Dreams

There’s a saying that goes, ‘If someone appears in your dream, it’s either you’re missing that someone or that someone is missing you’ . To be honest, it’s a beautiful saying but a wee bit unconvincing to me. The most logical saying should be, ‘If someone appears in your dream, that someone is in your thoughts’ . The thought of that person- a person who made or ruin your day or a person who flickers in your mind for no absolute reason at all- will manifest into a dream. Apparently our minds are also incapable of conjuring the faces of people out of thin air. Let’s be real here, we’re not the Almighty God. So in case you’re dreaming of a stranger, well, that stranger is most definitely someone you’ve met in your life, like someone that passed by you on the streets etc. You probably wont remember that person’s face with a glance because, who in the world can? However, without realising, the faces are photographed in your mind.

Anyways, being in someone’s thoughts may not necessarily mean being missed. Say, someone might just be thinking of how much of a prick you are and how much that someone hate your guts. And you might be attacked by a machete in that someone’s dream. You might be talking to or about that person on something earlier that day and your mind might just decide to project that person in your sleep later that night, in dreamlike ridiculousness. You might also be thinking of a person you have not seen in ages, in which case, yes, you might be dreaming of that person because you actually miss that person.

But to say you’re dreaming of a particular person because that person is missing you? Sounds like wishful thinking to me. Like I’ve dreamnt of meeting G-Dragon before but I aint saying he missed me. He probably will always have zero knowledge whatsoever about my existence, a notion that I’m entirely okay with. #nothardcore

I cannot say much about dreams as a God-given clue though. Because, well, I can talk about logic in my own limited understanding but I’m so not an expert in interpreting dreams religiously, which I think is a God-given talent.

In a nutshell, if you find yourself dreaming of a person you have not met in a long time, go say hello. Doing so might just help clear one out of the thousand things that are inhabiting your mind, no matter how trivial of a thought it is.

To the Boy Who Ran

It’s been a while,

Since I’ve heard of you,

And if time equals to mile,

I’d travel back for thousands,

To the exact day along the corridor where we stood; just us two.

In complete silence we were,

Sharpening our pencil,

Yet you had no idea,

How fast my heartbeat was,

When you smiled, ever so gentle.

It’s on my mind in replay,

And each time I ain’t saying a thing still,

For it was a perfect display,

Of silence so completely tranquil,

No words should ever fill.

 

 

Today, my school crush got married.

I wrote this piece when the news broke out from our schoolmates. I’ve mentioned about him in one of my previous post.

Looking back, I’m glad that things turned out the way they did. Guys who were interested in me are all married men now, some even had kids of their own. The same goes for the guys I were into, most of them found their significant other and settled for good.

Now and then, when their life moments came up my social media feed, either photos of them getting married or holding their first new-born child, I cant help but smile, gladly. I’m happy for them, that they’re in a happy place with their loved ones.

But I’d also wondered ‘What If’.

What if I said yes, let’s get to know each other.

What if I said yes, I’m into you too.

What if I took the other road and instead of the other girls by their sides, it’s me.

What if.

My life could be the other way around if I took the road not taken. I could be a mother with a little kid to care for on weekends instead of chasing deadlines in the office. I could be cooking breakfast for my husband before he goes to work instead of buying bread from the nearest 7-Eleven. I could be a working mother who’d have to ‘punch out’ on time instead of working overtime without anybody waiting on me at home.

I could be all of that, but I’m not.

Because I’m not ready. And I’m extremely glad being who I am now, with my current life. For I do not want to go through an enormously essential phase of life that I know I cant commit to yet. I’ll probably learn how to commit to the responsibility of sharing a life with another (or others) besides my family, as my life unfolds.

Everything that has happened was a given, for He knows best and He knows me.

For now, I’m okay with me. Whatever the future holds, I pray that He‘ll make it okay for me too. And for all of you.