Playlist of the week.

My week has been pretty boring and monotonous. Work has been slow and a wee bit relaxing after 2 weeks of rushing for tender. That’s definitely a relief on my part.

However as someone who listens to music pretty much on a daily basis regardless of my mood (an activity I’m not entirely proud of doing), I guess I’m just going to share the songs/music I’ve been shoving into my ears for this particular week.

Playlist of The Week

Enjoy and hope you guys find some good new music from it (though I highly doubt that).

CR: The Trial by Franz Kafka, pg 53/182.

All grown up.

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As I’m writing this, my mind keeps on recalling the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s Never Grow Up, a song I used to constantly sing back when I was 17 years old. Back when I was literally living a hell of a lifeback when I pushed myself through different types of crap shuffling in between getting myself kicked out of school, being a failure, being in denial of being a failure and questioning myself daily and excessively on which definition of a human being I was supposed to be.

God bless that golden age.

Growing up is a matter of perspective. Same goes for being childish. Each and every grown up should have a little child in them.

No, allow me to re-phrase that.

Each and every grown up should have, if not much, at least one thing, that brings out the child in them.

Search for it within yourself and give it a name. Does not matter if it’s an ice-cream, a balloon, video games, fairy tales, cartoons, old cards, a cup of hot Milo in the morning, a glass of milk at night, an old sketching from an early childhood, a photograph from your first trip to the pool, that report card from school that used to give you nags or rewards, the first storybook, that shy gorgeous boyish smile that seemed to hold the secrets of the Universe from your first love back in Primary 3, your first pet, that first Kad Raya you used to exchange with friends from class and a teeny-tiny 10sen attached in between the folds.

All those good times, sweet memories, layback moments, shrilling shouts, girly giggles before commitments and responsibilities came crashing in.

So, when was the first time I felt like a grown up?

I cannot answer that, not definitely.

Maybe on September last year when I first had a go at this ‘seems bloody exciting at first but not so much after a while‘ thing called work. Maybe for the past 2 weeks I spent without any weekends, concentrating on a seemingly endless task at the office. Maybe when I no longer have that privilege called time to catch up on TV series and Korean dramas, video games and even books. Maybe I pulled the panic cord maybe you were happy I was bored maybe I wanted you to change maybe I’m the one to blame (see what I did there).

Maybe when I started thinking in silent and out loud, about the future.

THE FUTURE.

That endless, long winding list of the what ifs and the it would be great ifs.

Let’s just cut this morbid crap and admit that I am in denial of growing up and growing old. I think everyone is. At some points in your life, you just wished that time would stop and you would stay that way forever. Stay at the age where heartbreaks, sadness, stress and discrimination have not even existed yet in your dictionary of life.

But then again, one of the many things that always reminds to never forgetting being a child is Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The book have taught me sooo much about the feelings I’ve forgotten as I grew up to be who I am today. That child-like curiosity about almost everything and how a child will never let anything stand in his way of achieving what he wants even if he understands nothing. And to put his heart in everything, because:

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And for that, he’ll make a wonderful grown up.

CR: The Trial by Franz Kafka, pg 53/182.

Places.

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Concrete jungles, hands down.

Regardless of the nature of cities being bustling and hectic all the time, I’d still prefer living my life in them as compared to you know, by the sea-side or among the smell of greenery somewhere in the countryside.

If I were really, really ridiculously wealthy, I wouldnt buy a mansion, just tiny apartments in every city I love. – Mara Wilson

I cannot exactly explain how I could always somewhat find my peace and the surprising calmness amidst a surrounding that have always been known by most to offer none. All I know is being a part of something huge and the convenience of having almost everything easily accessible within my reach.

I remembered just sitting in the train or subway, and let it bring me from one end to another while I witness the growth of the city with my own eyes. I remembered joining in an educational visit to the rooftop of the Binjai tower with a couple of friends from class and getting the wrong building for an interview at the headquarters of JKR as a blessing in disguise as we were able to experience the magnificent view of Kuala Lumpur. I remembered the night view with the colors of lights from when I was at Double Tree by Hilton, that one time having sungkei with my family.

I’ve always imagined what the view would be like at the top floor of the Petronas Twin Towers. I’ve yet to reach the sky bridge connecting both towers even though I’ve been planning to do so for quite some time considering my frequent visits to KLCC.

So whenever I got questions asking me where I’d like to live my life, I’d certainly say the city. And being a realist and a very logically-thinking person, I’d choose the close vicinity of a city to most facilities rather than the sweet calmness offered by the beach or the fresh unpolluted air in the woods. I’m just not a nature-lover. I do love being among nature for once in a while but I dont think I can survive in it.

That being said, one of my biggest dreams that I have yet to achieve (or nearly impossible to achieve considering me being an 87% realist and 123% procrastinator) is to live in a loft. Somewhere in any city where I can witness the ever-magical view of dawn and sunset from my bed, somewhere I can just stare outside my window at the numbing sound of 3am when the city goes to sleep and ultimately, somewhere I can just easily get chicken nuggets in a couple of minutes so that I can Netflix and chill in content.

A rooftop with a greenhouse would be a massive plus.

I guess basically rooftops are one of my favorite places on Earth. And I have all the TV series and films to thank for putting these ideas and pretty views in me.

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Beastly (2011)

Like how Kyle built a greenhouse from scratch and filled it with roses and shit to win over Lindy’s heart. He even proceed to reading her some sort of a poem right there and it was cinematic-ally beautiful.

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Friends With Benefits (2011)

Remember when Jamie showed Dylan her favorite place on Earth after his interview and he ruined it later on when they had a fight at the same place about how Dylan told his mom about how Jamie is emotionally damaged when she indeed admitted being one? It was at the rooftop of 101 Park Avenue.

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How I Met Your Mother/The Robin

Or when Barney confesses his love to Robin in the probably one of the most geniusly- scripted screenplay in my history of watching a bunch of TV series. This was like the only episode in HIMYM that have managed to move me to tears. Oh wait, then there was the one when Robin talked to her imaginary kids after realizing that she could not conceive any.

And etc.

If only I can have access to each and every rooftop in the world. I’d very much love the view. I wonder in 2-5 years from now, am I going to share these views I had in mind with someone that I cherish or will I just enjoy them alone?

I guess it wont matter either way.

CR: The Trial by Franz Kafka, pg 35/182.